{"id":2133,"date":"2017-12-11T16:12:12","date_gmt":"2017-12-11T16:12:12","guid":{"rendered":"\/blog\/?p=2133"},"modified":"2025-06-10T08:48:51","modified_gmt":"2025-06-10T08:48:51","slug":"boost-your-roommate-relationship","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.lemonade.com\/blog\/boost-your-roommate-relationship\/","title":{"rendered":"Here’s How to Boost Your Relationship with Your Roomie"},"content":{"rendered":"

You\u2019ve finally settled into your new apartment. You found the perfect spot with your roommate, signed the paperwork, and unpacked your stuff. All done, right? Actually, it\u2019s just the beginning. Now it\u2019s time to set the tone for living with your roommate. <\/span><\/p>\n

Chances are your relationship with your roommate will quickly become one of the most important connections of your day-to-day, especially if you\u2019re living in close quarters in the big city. It can mean the difference between feeling happy and comfortable in your apartment, or feeling anxious and uneasy. <\/span><\/p>\n

So we\u2019re here to give you a few tips on how to live with roommates, backed by behavioral economics and psychology.<\/span><\/p>\n

1. Create a culture of giving<\/h3>\n

As a part of the unwritten roomie contract, you\u2019ll both need to carry your weight in apartment chores, shopping, and maintenance. This can seem like a drag, and can lead to conflict and resentment if you don\u2019t play your part (especially if you’re living with roommates you don’t know). But how can you inspire each other to take care of the tasks you love to procrastinate? The best way is to lead by example<\/span>. <\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Adam Grant, an organizational psychologist and Wharton professor, says the best way to bring out the best behavior in others is to be a giver<\/a>. In Grant\u2019s bestselling book <\/span>Give and Take, <\/span><\/i>he writes,<\/span><\/p>\n

\"roommate<\/p>\n

But what does it mean to be a giver? <\/span><\/p>\n

Givers offer assistance and do favors for others without expecting anything back. This can mean picking up a carton of almond milk for your roommate, doing some extra cleaning around the apartment, or taking initiative to pay the bills without asking for your roommate to do it next month. <\/span><\/p>\n

These small actions can have a big effect. <\/span><\/p>\n

\"favors<\/p>\n

As Adam Grant explains, \u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cIt turns out that giving can be contagious. In one study, contagion experts James Fowler and Nicholas Christakis found that giving spreads rapidly and widely across social networks. When one person made the choice to contribute to a group at a personal cost over a series of rounds, other group members were more likely to contribute in future rounds.\u201d (Give and Take)<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

In other words, being a giver will inspire your roommate to mimic your behavior. If your roommate sees you taking care of apartment shopping, they\u2019ll feel compelled to return the favor. By creating this example, neither of you will feel the need to nag one another, because completing apartment tasks will come naturally. <\/span><\/p>\n

For best results, remind your roommate of your contributions (we\u2019ll touch on this more later).<\/span><\/p>\n

2. Share living expenses<\/b><\/h3>\n

It goes without saying that living with roommates comes with expenses – from laundry detergent to olive oil to electricity bills. Creating a system to pay for these costs can be tough, and the last thing you want is a strain on your relationship. Considering this, what\u2019s the best way to <\/span>split your living expenses<\/span><\/a>? <\/span><\/p>\n

You can take one of two approaches: pay for your own items, or share your expenses. Typically, roommates gravitate towards the former option: it seems more fair, and can help avoid any \u201cwho owes what\u201d confusion.<\/span><\/p>\n

But when we sat down with our Chief Behavioral Officer Dan Ariely to discuss this, he begged to differ. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWhile the process of \u2018I\u2019ll have my own yogurt, and you\u2019ll have your own laundry detergent\u2019 seems like the right approach – it\u2019s not,\u201d he explained. That\u2019s because this approach overlooks one of the most important aspects of a roommate relationship: creating an atmosphere of joint living. <\/span><\/p>\n

Splitting the living expenses for an apartment<\/a> creates a feeling you\u2019re sharing your lives together, which will lead to a much better atmosphere than \u201cevery man for himself.\u201d This system of sharing will also help bolster your culture of giving.<\/span><\/p>\n

Luckily, it\u2019s still possible for you and your roommate to pay a similar amount for living expenses while maintaining an atmosphere of sharing. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cIf you truly want to live with somebody, and take advantage of what it is to share part of your life with somebody, go for the approach where you each take the same amount of money and put it into a joint account, and use it for all the house expenses,\u201d advised Ariely.<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Alternatively, you can each place the same amount of cash in a shared envelope at the beginning of each month. When it\u2019s time to run errands or pay expenses, simply take cash from your shared bucket rather than from your own wallet. <\/span><\/p>\n

Btw – to keep the sharing running smoothly, we suggest creating synchronized grocery lists. We love the <\/span>OurGroceries<\/span> app!<\/span><\/p>\n

3. Clearly communicate your contributions<\/b><\/h3>\n

Do this experiment: ask yourself what percent of the chores you do in your apartment, and write it down on a piece of paper. Now, ask your roommate(s) how much work they think they put in. Add up the percentages. Does it exceed 100%?<\/span><\/p>\n

It almost always does. It\u2019s common for people to overestimate the amount of work they put in relative to others. This is called the self-centered bias, and research shows that it happens not only when living with roommates, but also to students collaborating on a project, players on a sports team, and psychology graduates writing a thesis together (Ross & Sicoly, 1979). <\/span><\/p>\n

Why does this happen? According to Professor Dan Ariely, it\u2019s because \u201cwe see the details and nuances in what we do, but with what the other person does we don\u2019t see the nuances and we don\u2019t see the details.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

For example, if we empty the dishwasher, we\u2019re prone to see the task as a multi-step process: we unloaded the dishes, organized them correctly in the cabinet, and put new dirty dishes inside the dishwasher. If our roommate takes out the trash, we\u2019re more likely to see this as a one-step task, even though it requires tying up the bag, carrying the heavy bag to the shoot, and replacing the old trash bag with a new one. \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n